I gave up on my dreams
and allowed the world to
tell me where I belong.
I'm going to find my
imagination again and
I'm going to create my
When I was little my imagination was so big; nothing seemed as if it were impossible. What happened to me?
I let the troubles in my life stop me from dreaming and I’ve given up. College may not have been the best experience, but I gained something from it. I learned how to let people love me and how to make a family out of friends. I gave up on trying to please everyone, or so I thought, but I didn’t learn how to please myself. I never asked myself what would make me happy because I thought people would find it stupid. That’s all I want though; I just want to be happy and I want the people that I care about to be happy. Doesn’t everyone?
I’m too early in my story for the ending to be here now and so are you. This is not what I will do for the rest of my life. I will inspire and I will achieve goals that I have only dreamed of. They all seem so close, yet still so far. It’s okay though because I have time and I will not give up on trying to create me instead of letting someone else tell me who I should be.
Have you ever wondered why things were not happening the way you thought they should? Recently I have been questioning why it seemed nothing was going the way I believed it should. Life should be super easy, right? Clearly that’s a joke because I know nothing in life is easy and nothing ever happens according to plans.
I have currently been searching for other ways to fulfill my life and time (new employment, supplemental income, relationship, etc.) and most of the doors keep getting slammed in my face. I know you’re probably thinking that I am being dramatic, but some strange things have been happening when it comes to actually having the interviews. Although, I did recently enter into a relationship, the guy lives in another state. Luckily, we have been able to visit each other. Also, thank you Apple for FaceTime! This situation is still in no way what I imagined my next relationship would be like. Anyway, I’ve been wondering why none of these things are going the way I thought they would/should go? There has to be something that is stopping these opportunities from happening the way I want them to. I have only been able to come up with one answer: God has bigger plans for me than just sitting in an office all day.
I do not believe working in an office and taking orders from everyone else is my calling. I want to be used for the greater good of a community. Although I do not have an abundant amount of experience, I do believe that my spirit and drive will motivate me to learn quickly and achieve any tasks or goals that may come my way.
I really believe that this series of unfortunate events is a sign that I need to figure out what my dream career actually is and take the steps to pursue it. So on I go to figure out what it is that I really want to do and then apply myself to making that happen.
Today, as I sit at my desk, I wonder am I truly happy. Then, I decide to ask myself what actually dictates a person’s happiness. Is it our significant others, our jobs, our materialistic items, or is it our education? Maybe it’s family that gives us that feeling of happiness, but I want it to be more than a feeling. I genuinely want to BE HAPPY.
I have heard that we may have been placed in situations that can deter us from achieving our goals in life and I definitely believe that. The job that I have and the goals that I want to achieve do not align with each other. I want to accomplish so much more than just making a substantial amount of money; I want the money that I make to be a REAL reflection of something I love and of the hard work that I do.
At the moment, I don’t feel like I am of use to anyone and that is probably my fault. How does one move on from feeling like this? Do they create their own path to success by just quitting their job or do they handle their 9-5 as well as work at their dream? I believe that whatever life has in store for me, including this moment of uncertainty, is going to teach me a valuable lesson. I will get through this.
-J. S. Atkins
I’ve had plenty of time to reflect on why I decided to start writing. The making of this blog was not the beginning of me writing by any means, but it did bring me back from a very long and very helpful hiatus. During the near 2.5 years that I did not write (minus the occasional poem in a journal) I had time to figure out if I really wanted to pursue a career in writing or even share my poems and short stories with the public. Without writing, I realized I had so much to say and I wasn’t utilizing the one talent that I actually enjoyed. I stopped writing because it had become a chore to me, but now I think I have found the correct way to approach it for my benefit.
I am extremely critical of anything that I write. I read over my poems that I write in my journals and change the words around until the pages are almost unrecognizable. It’s just the way that I am. Clearly when I write down my thoughts, emotions, etc. it’s pure madness, so just imagine what happens when I don’t. I realized during the time that I didn’t write all of the reasons why I did. I need it and without it my life has no significant meaning. Who am I without the purest form of expression? Writing is something I had taken for granted and now I am happy that I decided to start my blog.
I hope that you all are still enjoying Caged Raven as much as I enjoy writing poems and finding poems for you all to read. I still would post even if no one was reading, but I am glad that I have been able to reach a few people during this process.
My parents worked hard for everything that they have and everything that they have given me. I appreciate them for showing me what it is like to come from nothing, but a loving family. I hope to one day be able to have someone say that about me.
I have dreams of being a writer. I want to touch the world with my words. I believe my first step in doing that was creating this blog, but now I am wondering what should my next steps be. Should I start writing my first book? Should I go back to school for my MFA in creative Writing? Should I just keep posting on this blog? All of them are attainable if I just buckle down and really focus on them, but I just can’t seem to find the drive. I know most people say that just having that dream or passion should be enough, but sometimes it isn’t. I personally am taking the time now to dig deeper into what it means to me to be a writer and share my emotions with a bigger audience.
I am venturing into a new project soon and I hope that you all are there to venture with me. I haven’t figured everything out yet, but that is usually how I operate. I will of course continue to post my poetry on here, but I want more from my writing as I am sure it wants more from me.